THE LOVERS

Choosing partners in the dark

We mostly choose partners for all the wrong reasons:

• Because they seem nice (that won’t last)
• Because we like the way they look (that also won’t last)
• Because they love us (as if there’s a shortage of love)
• Because they make us laugh (there’s often a sad flip side to performers)

And then we set about ending relationships, quickly or slowly, because we come to realize that they are never going to give us what we really want.

You have a special position regarding relationships, and that position is revealed by your answer to the question:

"What is the purpose of a relationship?"

However, your position is not whatever you liked or loved about your partners, or feel you should like or love. In fact, we’d like you to assume
a) you have only one answer that makes a difference, and
b) you probably don’t know, or won’t admit what it is.

The reason you’re probably not fully aware of your position is because it's a very personal thing that doesn't necessarily make you look good. For example, your position might be:

• To have good times
• To have good sex
• To fulfill some Higher Purpose
• To look good
• To be pleasured
• To serve the other person
• To have a family
• To have someone interesting to talk to

How to find your Position on the Wheel of Relationships

The only way is to look at the evidence in your life.

Consider your past relationships, and assume you chose to stay with your partners until you realized, consciously or unconsciously, that your real needs were never going to be met, and that realization was the beginning of the end.

Ask yourself:

• "What was the incident that made me decide this relationship had to end?"
• "What was 'the straw that broke the camel's back'?"

Your answers will point to your PWR.

How to use your PWR

If you are currently in a relationship:

• Does your partner share your position?
• If not, in what ways could your positions support each other?

Relationships can endure through all the tests of time provided both partners have a shared vision.

How to find a partner

Know your PWR.
Describe in detail your ideal partner.
Include the things you want to do together; your shared purpose.
Your partner's background, past experiences and baggage can make or break the relationship, so it's worth giving some thought to the kind of past that would blend well with yours.
Put the list away.

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